Wanna be a superhero ?
We are pround to announce to the people of the earth the launch of School of Superhuman Intellect and Techniques (So-SHIT). The So-SHIT takes pride in being the first institute of its kind on this planet and would train ordinary mortals in building superhuman abilities. The founder of So-SHIT, Dr. B A Shaw, holds a PhD in Rajnikath Worship Technology from the Thalaivarey University.
The course has been designed for six semesters.
The first semester would cover the "SH Acoustics and Linguistics". For example, Sound effects for saluting, putting on your glasses, tying up your lungi etc. All these activities requre SH sound effects .. zzzaaak .. zzaaak .. woosh .. woosh .. types. The speed at which hand/finger should be moved, ambient air composition/density/temperature and other details would be discussed. The linguistics course would be about punchlines in different languages. For example, "Eee baasha oka sari chepputhey vanda saarlu cheppinattu", "En vazhi thani vazhi", "Naan yaar ennu theriyuma", "Jai bajrang bali" types. Extra-terrestrial languages would be an elective course.
The second semester is about "SH apparel". Topics include color of the towel on your shoulder, length of the towel, brand of glasses, shoes (and how to emit sparks from them while walking), and the brand of cigars. This semester has electives on "Underwear Outside", "Underwear Inside", and "Other" dressing techniques. The labs include lighting cigars without matches and lighting matches on the bad guys' bald heads. Perpetual motion methodologies would also be taught. Rotating knives like Sudarshana Chakra, slapping bad dudes such that they keep rotating about the Y axis etc would be discussed in detail.
The third semester would be mainly on "SH Motor-abilities". This deals with several ways of operating motor vehicles. For example, one could shoot a coconut which would fall on the motor cycle's starter to start the vehicle. Other techniques include shooting at the bad guys with pistols in both your hands while steering with your legs. Climbing on to and jumping from moving trains, stopping a helicopter by pulling it down, rescuing people in a sinking ship by holding it from under water and swimming to the coast are other topics of interest in this semster.
The fourth semester teaches "Introduction to SH Gun Techniques". For example, running faster than the bullet, cathing a bullet shot by the enemy and killing the enemy by throwing the bullet back. If you have no bullets in your gun and the villain shoots at you, then how to open the gun's bullet case so that the villains bullet gets lodged in your gun's case, and you can now use the same bullet to shoot the villain. This semster would have courses on killing two bad guys using one bullet by shooting the bullet at a blade/knife which will cause the bullet to split into two and hit both the bad guys.
The fifth semester teaches "Advanced SH Gun Techniques". These include killing more than two bad guys using one bullet. The methodlogy is highly creative and cannot be revealed here. Techniques taught also include shooting bad dudes who are not in the line of fire. For example, if the villain is hiding behind a wall, one of the techniques is throwing a gun into the air (above the wall) and shooting the trigger of the gun in the air using another gun. Other techniques include, conning the bad dude to shoot himself by inserting the bullet in the reverse direction in the revolver.
The final semester would focus on "Miscellaneous SH Abilities". This would include jumping from one building to another, throwing trees and auto rickshaws at the villains, coming back from certain death by using prayers from the general public, jumping from the roof tops of tall buildings and falling on the ground or a moving truck as situation demands etc. Punching through walls, fighting crocodiles/tigers, sleeping on the couch when the bad dude stabs the pillows on the bed are ohter tricks of the trade.
At the end of the course, the students would be graded using a Superhuman Abilities Measure (SHAM). The SHAM test would determines the candidate's fate. Those failing the SHAM test would be used as the bad dudes in various lab and practical training classes. Interested can contact thalaivarey_devatha@So-SHIT.com
Comments from a couple of friends:
Job Posting:
We are looking for superheroes who have passed the SHAM test. They will join our Superhero Can do Anything Management (SCAM) program. Immediate placement available in Japan for Dancing Maharaja III. Hurry up and apply!!!
Dear Advertiser: Your So-SHIT sounds very intersting to me and I am very much interested in applying. However, your course schedule lacks a very important aspect- SH-Seduction techniques. I believe this is a very important attribute and we should be taught how to make girl fall in love in less than a fraction of a second. In case you are willing to take this suggestion into account, I would like to enroll immediately !
Inspired by the first question in the third exam of my Advanced Statistics class.
The course has been designed for six semesters.
The first semester would cover the "SH Acoustics and Linguistics". For example, Sound effects for saluting, putting on your glasses, tying up your lungi etc. All these activities requre SH sound effects .. zzzaaak .. zzaaak .. woosh .. woosh .. types. The speed at which hand/finger should be moved, ambient air composition/density/temperature and other details would be discussed. The linguistics course would be about punchlines in different languages. For example, "Eee baasha oka sari chepputhey vanda saarlu cheppinattu", "En vazhi thani vazhi", "Naan yaar ennu theriyuma", "Jai bajrang bali" types. Extra-terrestrial languages would be an elective course.
The second semester is about "SH apparel". Topics include color of the towel on your shoulder, length of the towel, brand of glasses, shoes (and how to emit sparks from them while walking), and the brand of cigars. This semester has electives on "Underwear Outside", "Underwear Inside", and "Other" dressing techniques. The labs include lighting cigars without matches and lighting matches on the bad guys' bald heads. Perpetual motion methodologies would also be taught. Rotating knives like Sudarshana Chakra, slapping bad dudes such that they keep rotating about the Y axis etc would be discussed in detail.
The third semester would be mainly on "SH Motor-abilities". This deals with several ways of operating motor vehicles. For example, one could shoot a coconut which would fall on the motor cycle's starter to start the vehicle. Other techniques include shooting at the bad guys with pistols in both your hands while steering with your legs. Climbing on to and jumping from moving trains, stopping a helicopter by pulling it down, rescuing people in a sinking ship by holding it from under water and swimming to the coast are other topics of interest in this semster.
The fourth semester teaches "Introduction to SH Gun Techniques". For example, running faster than the bullet, cathing a bullet shot by the enemy and killing the enemy by throwing the bullet back. If you have no bullets in your gun and the villain shoots at you, then how to open the gun's bullet case so that the villains bullet gets lodged in your gun's case, and you can now use the same bullet to shoot the villain. This semster would have courses on killing two bad guys using one bullet by shooting the bullet at a blade/knife which will cause the bullet to split into two and hit both the bad guys.
The fifth semester teaches "Advanced SH Gun Techniques". These include killing more than two bad guys using one bullet. The methodlogy is highly creative and cannot be revealed here. Techniques taught also include shooting bad dudes who are not in the line of fire. For example, if the villain is hiding behind a wall, one of the techniques is throwing a gun into the air (above the wall) and shooting the trigger of the gun in the air using another gun. Other techniques include, conning the bad dude to shoot himself by inserting the bullet in the reverse direction in the revolver.
The final semester would focus on "Miscellaneous SH Abilities". This would include jumping from one building to another, throwing trees and auto rickshaws at the villains, coming back from certain death by using prayers from the general public, jumping from the roof tops of tall buildings and falling on the ground or a moving truck as situation demands etc. Punching through walls, fighting crocodiles/tigers, sleeping on the couch when the bad dude stabs the pillows on the bed are ohter tricks of the trade.
At the end of the course, the students would be graded using a Superhuman Abilities Measure (SHAM). The SHAM test would determines the candidate's fate. Those failing the SHAM test would be used as the bad dudes in various lab and practical training classes. Interested can contact thalaivarey_devatha@So-SHIT.com
Comments from a couple of friends:
Job Posting:
We are looking for superheroes who have passed the SHAM test. They will join our Superhero Can do Anything Management (SCAM) program. Immediate placement available in Japan for Dancing Maharaja III. Hurry up and apply!!!
Dear Advertiser: Your So-SHIT sounds very intersting to me and I am very much interested in applying. However, your course schedule lacks a very important aspect- SH-Seduction techniques. I believe this is a very important attribute and we should be taught how to make girl fall in love in less than a fraction of a second. In case you are willing to take this suggestion into account, I would like to enroll immediately !
Inspired by the first question in the third exam of my Advanced Statistics class.
3 Comments:
Job Posting:
We are looking for superheroes who have passed the SHAM test. They will join our Superhero Can do Anything Management (SCAM) program. Immediate placement available in Japan for Dancing Maharaja III. Hurry up and apply!!!
Dear Advertiser: Your So-SHIT sounds very intersting to me and I am very much interested in applying. However, your course schedule lacks a very important aspect, that is SH-Seduction techniques, I believe this is a very important attribute for a SO-SHIT superhero and while we are learning all those SO-SHIT stuff we should also be taught how to make girl fall in love only by rubbing Burnol or Zandu Balm.
In case you are willing to take this suggestion into account, I would like not to waste any more time and enroll!!!!
YEAH BABAY
Awsome read many articles about SHIT skills but this one categorically arrnges them. Many are awaiting in the Wild Wild West to get hold of these SHIT skills typically practised by some South-East Asians. Hope they get the things they want.
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