Aliens: How to deal with them?
Have you ever wondered what you would do if you were returning home one night and encounter an extraterrestrial creature (EC) aka alien enroute? Well, I thought about it and came up with this survival algorithm.
1) The cardinal rule: Don't Panic (suggested by Douglas Adams) Since you are not panicking and someone has to panic in such a situation the EC will panic and run away. If the EC runs away you also run away, else apply #2.
2) Don't think of anything violent. Most probably the EC will be able to read your mind and might get upset because of your violent thoughts. Think peace. If the EC says peace go to #5, else go to #3.
3) Put senti to the EC. Tell that you are the sole bread earner of the family. And that you have a drunkard father, ill mother, unemployed brother, and an unmarried sister. The EC will mostly be unaware of this famous bollywood trick and hence will cry and walk away. If so then you also walk away, else go to #4.
4) Try to convey the message that you are a close friend of Laetitia Casta, Aishwarya Rai, and Nicole Kidman.
5) If the EC turns out to be a friend, EC=FEC (Friendly Extraterrestrial Creature). Go the nearest bar and get the FEC drunk and chil l l l l l l l l l ....,
6) Now that you are in #6 means that EC has turned hostile, EC=HEC (Hostile Extraterrestrial Creature). Run Lola Run. (Replace Lola with your name for greater effect.)If you manage to run away go and hide under your bed (ECs are not aware of bollywood tactics), else go to #7.
7) You are in #7 means that the HEC has caught you. So fight with it. Hit it in, what you think are, its sensitive parts. First attack its eyes, if it has any.
8) You are in #8 means that the HEC has beaten you black, blue, and all other colors. Emit sounds of different wavelengths . The head of the HEC might implode when subject to a particular wavelength of sonic waves.
9) Sneeze and cough near any openings in the HEC's body. Some of the germs might enter the HEC's body and kill it. If the HEC is killed go to #11, else go to #10.
10) Since all the above have failed, use the infallible weapon. However, this might cause you irrepairable damage. Recite Vogon poetry. For starters try
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee..."
This will definitely kill the HEC. If you are still alive go to #11, else let your soul rest in peace.
11) Take away the HEC's body and hide it in your refrigerator. Sell it to some biological research centre for hazaar money (preferably $42 million) . And Chil l l l l l l l l l l l l l l ........
1) The cardinal rule: Don't Panic (suggested by Douglas Adams) Since you are not panicking and someone has to panic in such a situation the EC will panic and run away. If the EC runs away you also run away, else apply #2.
2) Don't think of anything violent. Most probably the EC will be able to read your mind and might get upset because of your violent thoughts. Think peace. If the EC says peace go to #5, else go to #3.
3) Put senti to the EC. Tell that you are the sole bread earner of the family. And that you have a drunkard father, ill mother, unemployed brother, and an unmarried sister. The EC will mostly be unaware of this famous bollywood trick and hence will cry and walk away. If so then you also walk away, else go to #4.
4) Try to convey the message that you are a close friend of Laetitia Casta, Aishwarya Rai, and Nicole Kidman.
5) If the EC turns out to be a friend, EC=FEC (Friendly Extraterrestrial Creature). Go the nearest bar and get the FEC drunk and chil l l l l l l l l l ....,
6) Now that you are in #6 means that EC has turned hostile, EC=HEC (Hostile Extraterrestrial Creature). Run Lola Run. (Replace Lola with your name for greater effect.)If you manage to run away go and hide under your bed (ECs are not aware of bollywood tactics), else go to #7.
7) You are in #7 means that the HEC has caught you. So fight with it. Hit it in, what you think are, its sensitive parts. First attack its eyes, if it has any.
8) You are in #8 means that the HEC has beaten you black, blue, and all other colors. Emit sounds of different wavelengths . The head of the HEC might implode when subject to a particular wavelength of sonic waves.
9) Sneeze and cough near any openings in the HEC's body. Some of the germs might enter the HEC's body and kill it. If the HEC is killed go to #11, else go to #10.
10) Since all the above have failed, use the infallible weapon. However, this might cause you irrepairable damage. Recite Vogon poetry. For starters try
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee..."
This will definitely kill the HEC. If you are still alive go to #11, else let your soul rest in peace.
11) Take away the HEC's body and hide it in your refrigerator. Sell it to some biological research centre for hazaar money (preferably $42 million) . And Chil l l l l l l l l l l l l l l ........
3 Comments:
i know why u prefered EC over ETC.. (;-) u could have used ET, no?
arey..
in livejournal...it allows u to give links to only those blog pages which are on livejournal...will research into that and tell...
u have got lots of things on ur blog!!! :-0 enjoy..
and u have anything against EC`E` guys????
I think i will go with option 3. Seems the easiest and safest to me and as far as i am concerned senti never lets you down as long as you do it the "sharukh" way. i have you and my guru's blog site on my link lists.going to make some modifications on my blog site.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home