Hesitation
I sometimes wonder about all that I wanted as a kid. When I was about 6 years old I owned a yellow color toy helicopter. And its pilot was very smartly dressed in a white uniform and a blue cap. So I wished I could be a pilot. But later on I came to know one had to undergo vertigo tests to become a pilot. So I dropped the idea. One of those days a kid in the neighborhood had bought a machine gun, of course a toy. That instrument fascinated me and I decided to be a soldier. More than that I desperately wanted a machine gun just like the one that kid had. I still remeber being very hesitant to ask my dad. I did not ask and so I did not get one. Many of my wishes just remained wishes due to this hesitation, and hesitation for no reason. One of these days, during one of those attacks of nostalgia, I tried to recollet all that I had wished for at different stages of my life.
Age 16: This was the first time I was away from my hometown and was in a city. The bakery at the corner of the street had some savouries that I had never known before. There were also a couple of fast food joints. I, who had rarely eaten outside the house, wanted to try out all those things. I also wanted to buy a walkman. But I just could not ask my father for the money. Huuh ... and I had to forgo those.
Age 13: One of my classmates had a pair of "action rockers". I had seen in the TV ads that they had some kind of shock absorbers. I had always wanted a pair of sneakers and these shoes had made the desire even more intense. But ... Hesitation ...and I never had those shoes. Of course, one of the first things I did during my undergrad was save up some pocket money and buy a pair of sneakers.
Age 12: I was in my school NCC squadron. There was this huge guy who commanded the platoon. Somehow he always managed to find fault with me. I desperately wanted to hit this guy. And he was not the only person who I wanted to hit. There was this old lady beside our house. She would never return any of our cricket balls which we hit on to her terrace. So I wanted to hit her also but I never got a chance.
Age 11: We did not have cable in our house and I occassionally used to watch tv at my friend's place who had cable. There used to be this Essel world ad in Zee tv. I was really fascinated by that theme park and wished to go there someday. I vividly remember thinking about this wish on Dec 25th, 2003, posing with mickey mouse in Disneyland, California.
Age 10: I used to persuade my sister (who was 7 then) to ask my dad for chocolates. The reason ... I was again too hesistant. Also, a dark lanky guy used to sell cone ice cream just outside our school. I really wished to have one especially the green cone ice cream with a cherry on the top. I never had one. But now ... ask my roomies and they will tell you who consumes all the icecream in our house.
Recollecting all these wishes and putting down a few of them here makes me feel lighter. But I guess I should not have been as hesitant as I was. This will be one of my regrets in life.
Age 16: This was the first time I was away from my hometown and was in a city. The bakery at the corner of the street had some savouries that I had never known before. There were also a couple of fast food joints. I, who had rarely eaten outside the house, wanted to try out all those things. I also wanted to buy a walkman. But I just could not ask my father for the money. Huuh ... and I had to forgo those.
Age 13: One of my classmates had a pair of "action rockers". I had seen in the TV ads that they had some kind of shock absorbers. I had always wanted a pair of sneakers and these shoes had made the desire even more intense. But ... Hesitation ...and I never had those shoes. Of course, one of the first things I did during my undergrad was save up some pocket money and buy a pair of sneakers.
Age 12: I was in my school NCC squadron. There was this huge guy who commanded the platoon. Somehow he always managed to find fault with me. I desperately wanted to hit this guy. And he was not the only person who I wanted to hit. There was this old lady beside our house. She would never return any of our cricket balls which we hit on to her terrace. So I wanted to hit her also but I never got a chance.
Age 11: We did not have cable in our house and I occassionally used to watch tv at my friend's place who had cable. There used to be this Essel world ad in Zee tv. I was really fascinated by that theme park and wished to go there someday. I vividly remember thinking about this wish on Dec 25th, 2003, posing with mickey mouse in Disneyland, California.
Age 10: I used to persuade my sister (who was 7 then) to ask my dad for chocolates. The reason ... I was again too hesistant. Also, a dark lanky guy used to sell cone ice cream just outside our school. I really wished to have one especially the green cone ice cream with a cherry on the top. I never had one. But now ... ask my roomies and they will tell you who consumes all the icecream in our house.
Recollecting all these wishes and putting down a few of them here makes me feel lighter. But I guess I should not have been as hesitant as I was. This will be one of my regrets in life.
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